My third yoga journal entry. We were asked to write about class that week, our readings and the three part ujjayi breathing. It's rather long, which is why I put it under the link below. If you are interested, please read, otherwise, it doesn't take up so much space :)
Class this week was refreshing. I like the hero pose a lot. It makes me feel peaceful and I find it easy to work into the rhythm of the movement with my breathing. I find that even if I am having a stressful time in school, in my social life, or getting in a rut spiritually, when I leave yoga class, I feel refreshed and new. Even though the problems are still there, I feel at peace and willing to continue throughout the day with a fresh outlook and serenity. I can't fully describe it with words, but I feel very fortunate to be able to practice at least twice a week in class. I have been practicing just once on weekends but am going to try and practice more on my own throughout the week.
I finished reading the fourth chapter in Bringing Yoga to Life. She talks about feeling grateful and dedicating your practice or keeping a prayer in mind. I feel very fortunate to have the opportunities and luxuries I do. I hope that I can incorporate that feeling into my life practice always. I feel as if I am starting on that journey and am consciously trying to carry the lessons in the book into my practice and daily life. I feel so much better about myself as a person because of it. And, without getting to personal, I am making peace with mistakes I have made the past by resolving and committing to be the person I am finding within myself through this practice.
I feel that my practicing being present on the mat has helped me to reawaken to being present in life. I still am not sure if I am getting all the way to being present. I am still trying to find it and I'm sure it will be a continual process but I have noticed I experience each moment more fully. For example, at work, I sometimes will go on 'auto pilot' and I will work for hours without really being there. At the end of the day, I feel exhausted and spent but wouldn't be able to really talk about my day. Recently, however, I feel more present and able to experience and enjoy my days. I am able to have more meaningful interactions with coworkers and really respond to my duties. It feels good.
The breathing is definitely helping. I will sometimes do a couple ujjayi (I don't know if that's spelled right) breaths if I find myself getting a little lost throughout the day to bring me back to the current moment. The challenging thing is the three parts. I think I'm still working on making it a natural process and letting my breath just do it instead of forcing it on my body but it is getting easier. I think it is easier for me to think of the breath first going into the very bottom of my lungs instead of thinking belly. When I think of it going into my belly, I tend to just stick my stomach out at the beginning of each breath instead of naturally letting the breath fill that area.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Journal #3
Friday, January 22, 2010
I am Boutros One
Guess what?! I got a part in my school play! The play we are putting on is called Red Noses by Peter Barnes. It is a 'black comedy' set in Plague-ridden France.
I am going to play one of the Boutros Brothers (or Sisters in this case), a pair of one-legged tap dancers who join a comedy troupe set up by a priest hoping to bring cheap laughs to the dying masses. Yes, it is hilarious.
We will be performing March 18, 19, 20 & 25, 26, 27 in the Black Box Theatre in the Jewett Center for the Performing Arts. I hope you can come and see me play! (get more info here)
I am excited to be in this play but I have to admit I'm not one of those 'drama people.' You know the type -- randomly bursting into song (usually accompanied with broadway-style choreography), tending to be rather loud, and reciting monologues without provocation. Not only am I not like that, I get annoyed when I am surrounded by drama people for too long. So, while I am happy to be performing and working with a new group of friends, I'm slightly aprehensive about the whole thing. Wish me luck :)
Monday, January 18, 2010
Yoga Journal #2 : Wellness + some recent life stuff
Do you ever have those days/weeks/months/semesters where everything seems to fit together from different areas of your life? For example, one class you're in might talk about a topic that you later discuss in a completely unrelated class, or you talk about something with your family and then there is a big news story about a similar thing. I love those types of moments. They feel serendipitous. They remind me that 'it's a small world' and that nothing happens in isolation.
I had one of these moments yesterday. On Saturday, I wrote my second yoga journal entry in which we were asked to write about classes, our readings, and wellness -- what it means, and practices that lead to wellness (here is a shortened version that is still long):
I thought classes this week were challenging. It was physically challenging to maintain alignment and the rhythm of breath while moving into and holding new
poses. There is also the mental challenge of staying present. The exercise of both mind and body is intense and compliments each other.I have been reading Donna Farhi’s third chapter in Bringing Yoga to Life. I love it; she has a perspective that just feels right. I especially love how she talks about our
innate natures as being good. Society tends to view the innate nature of humans as corrupt and base. I find Farhi’s perspective refreshing and hopeful. She explains that, "all of the volatile and destructive emotions – anger, jealousy, envy, greed, and hatred – are born of [an] involuntary ignorance in which we perceive an ‘other’ and therefore a need to propagate and protect ‘our’ self" (29).
In the few weeks I have been practising, I already feel like I am returning to a deeper self that is good and selfless. I am seeking to incorporate that version of my self into my life more and more.
I think wellness is attending to our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social needs in a way that keeps us balanced and healthy as individuals. I think yoga is certainly a practice that will support wellness. Any practice that helps a person grow, reconnect, or reflect with themselves and others in any of the areas I identified can support wellness.
So here's where one of those serendipitous life moments comes in. On Sunday I went to church with Kelsey. I don't think I've mentioned this before but we are in a "Preparing for Eternal Marriage" sunday school class that I have problems with sometimes (another time I might explain a few of them) but yesterday's lesson was about preparing for life/becomming independent/developing as a person. It felt very much like the wellness reflection I had when writing my yoga journal. It was wonderful to mentally connect part of my new spirituality that I am finding through yoga with the church that nurtured my spirituality in previous years.
In other news, I am enjoying my new semester so far. I have mostly fun, artistic classes and I am also trying out new things. I have a drawing class, yoga, acting, art history, and photography. I am also doing an internship with Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company and writing a thesis (specific topic still tbd -- I need to get on that quick).
I tried out for the play that Westminster College is putting on in March -- Red Noses. I got call backs which was a good sign but still don't know if I got a part. I'll let you know when I do - should be either today or tomorrow. It's a new thing for me so I was very nervous and excited. Even if I'm just a little extra person singing in the chorus or something, I'll be happy.
Monday, January 11, 2010
San Culpa
is a yogic term for intention. Or so I just learned this morning. I am taking a yoga class this semester and I'm really excited. We are required to keep a journal of our readings and feelings/progress/questions/insights/whatever. They are just sent to our professor but I would like to share mine here as well for my record and benefit.
For our first journal, we were asked to clarify our intention for the class and reflect on the breathing technique we learned on the first day. And so, Journal #1, Intentions:
My purpose in taking this class is to reconnect with my body. I feel like I have gotten out of touch with it. In reading Donna Farhi's first two chapters (of Bringing Yoga to Life), she talks a lot about peoples motivations for starting yoga. I thought what she said was really interesting, and recognized some of what she talked about in my life.
My initial motivation was to regain flexibility and feel more attuned with my body but after reading her chapters, I realized that I am also searching for a new type of spiritual renewal in my life, which could have lead me to yoga. Even though that was not my initial intention, after reading those chapters, I would like to incorporate that into my san culpa.
So my intention for this class is to reconnect with my physical body and improve its function and flexibility. I also hope to reconnect with a deeper part of myself and begin to feel a spiritual renewal that Donna talks about in her book.
I practiced ujjayi (the breathing technique) a few nights before going to bed. I found it helped me to clear my head when I was thinking about too many things.
I noticed I was holding my breath this weekend when I went to see a movie. It was in a moment of tension in the film and I held my breath until the moment passed. I realized that I must have been pretty wrapped up in the film.
Have you ever taken a yoga class? How did it change your perception of yourself and the world? What was your intention when you started?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
New Years Resolutions
- Go to a class at my school gym at least once a week.
- Dress up each day that I go to my internship or work
- Keep my room clean
- Write Blake regularly
- Budget
- Continue to take care of my physical body. Exercise regularly, eat well, and present myself in a way that reflects how I feel about my body (which I love) and the situation.
- Be honest. With myself. With others. I have a tendency to avoid conflict. It's just part of my personality. But sometimes that tendency gets in the way of being completely honest with myself and others. I will learn to be honest while being tactful and respectful. In this way, I will avoid conflict later on by addressing problems as they come up in the most ethical manner possible.
- Improve my relationships with family. My little sisters are growing up and it is so weird to see. But it is wonderful, too. I feel like we are starting to relate to each other as adults and friends in addition to sisters. I want to treat them kindly and with respect to show my love for them. I will extend this effort to my father, mother, and little brother.
- Improve my relationships with friends. I will keep plans with friends and be on time. I will show sincere interest in their lives and make an effort to spend quality time with them to get to know them better. In this way, I will communicate that they are important to me and be the kind of friend that I want to have.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Questions
The Faithful Dissident is a blog I've found in the Bloggernacle (see wikipedia for a definition of that term). I am a fan of said blog and particularly was interested in FD's post from yesterday, Orthoprax Mormonism.
My personal experience resonated with the history related and it touched on some topics that have occupied my thoughts of late. And although not directly on topic, it resurfaced some questions I have been struggling with. For instance: Is it wrong to be part of a community when you don't necessarily hold the same beliefs of that community? How do you stay true to yourself within that community while not offending others? And will said community ever truly embrace you as a member while you hold estranging beliefs?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Margaret Merrill Toscano
As I have been contemplating religion, Mormonism, feminism and my place (or lack thereof) in all three of those areas, I have discovered a Mormon history I never knew about. This history includes Margaret Merrill Toscano. She is a wonderfully intelligent and well-spoken woman whose strength of testimony and character is admirable. I'll let you find out about her yourself if you feel so inclined but I wanted to share some of her words that resonated with me.
First is a talk of hers given at the Sunstone Symposium in August 2006:
"Are Boys More Important Than Girls? The conflict of gender difference and equality in Mormonism"
This quote from about halfway through the entire talk is one of the problems I see in Mormonism that I can never fully articulate to my member friends and sisters:
Men define doctrine, policy, and practice. They define normative behaviors. They create the moral context for all departments of Mormon life. They literally hold the keys of the kingdom on earth and in heaven.
The second thing I wanted to share is an interview she gave to PBS for the documentary "The Mormons."
I think the interview is a good summary of her history with the LDS Church and her subsequent excommunication.
I wonder how I never knew there were (and are!) people -- women more specifically -- that had the same concerns I do now. It is a comfort to find them. But the question I struggle with is how to act and react, and where to turn in the future. This is a troubling mess of its own and one too big for me to get into right now, so I'll save it for another day.
